(ok, fyi, stupid is a song my sarah mclaughlin. it rocks, and i think i misspelled her name)

ok, so i mentioned last time how i wouldn't give away my heart this year. well, for the first time in the existence of the world, i have proven myself wrong. i gave away my heart, after 6 long months of trial and tribulation, heartbreak and sorrow, and some of the happiest moments of my life.

he apologized. which, by itself, wouldn't have been enough. but then he goes into how i should dump him. and tells me about the girls. and says sorry a few more times. and then he smiled, that beautiful, wonderful, sweet smile. and i felt myself melting even as i called myself an idiot.

yep. i fell for him. i fell for the player, the cheater, the worst guy for me. and the worst, absolutely worst part? i fell for his imperfections. not the beautiful smile, the times he says baby (but believe me those helped). i fell for the guy that sat across from me and said: you're amazing. the guy that says he doesn't deserve me (and trust me, he doesn't)

the guy that was terrified when he found out i knew everything. thats the one i fell for. now, i won't say i'm in love (oh, that song from Hercules, that applies too), but i will say its a slippery slope, and i have no reason to try and climb back up.

and where did he go today? New Orleans, for the next two weeks. this time, there won't be any girls. this time, i'll actually miss him. dammit.

see what i get for falling for a guy? logic, profanities and minute regrets. the rest of the time, though, i feel myself smiling for no reason, lightly touching the shirt he gave me. *sigh* my life is so confusing.